Unwritten

I have never felt more out of my place. With each passing day, I sometimes wonder what the point of getting out of bed every morning is. It seems like I have fallen into a routine. I get up, go to work, and come home. There’s no element of surprise. There’s no change of scenery. The days that I have off of work, I get up, workout, and then lounge around all day.

At first, landing a retail job was just something to keep me busy while I looked around for other jobs.  Well, really it was to keep my parents off my back while I was studying for the LSATs. That’s right, I considered going to law school. I had convinced myself that attending law school was something I really wanted. I’ve always set my dreams high, but I have a tendency of convincing myself to do something I think I want to do, until I actually commit to it. The commitment is the part where I usually regret making the decision in the first place.

The more I studied for the LSATs, the more I realized that if I chose this path I would lose myself to the next couple years of losing sleep, pulling my hair out, and studying my brains out. It is a commitment. My mom was a lawyer and, ironically enough, constantly tried to persuade me to consider other options and forgo law school. Her responses to anything law school related seemed unsupportive or unresponsive. It was hurtful. Yet, it pushed me to study harder and to work harder. It was like I had something to prove to her, that I could do it.

So when it came to the test day, I went in confidently. It wasn’t until I started filling out applications and writing admission essays when I realized that I didn’t want to commit the next four years to complete studying. I was ready for my life to begin. After studying the last couple months, I was ready to move out of my parents’ house and find my dream job. I also knew that financially, law school wasn’t something I could afford.  I knew that if I wanted to move out soon, then I would have to find a full-time job.

 

Fast forward a couple months, I am still stuck in the same place. I like working at my job now, don’t get me wrong. It’s fun and it’s easy, but it is not enough for me. I want a job with multiple responsibilities. A job that will push me to learn new things. A job that will support me and take me places.  A job that is enough and more. So that’s what I’m working on.