Revelation

Okay, so yesterday was a pretty dark day. I consider myself a pretty spiritual person, so doubting my existence stresses me out. I believe in God, so I know that having these crazy thoughts and doubts would personally offend him. He has blessed me with phenomenal friends, family, and life experiences. Yesterday, all I could focus on was the bad. I need to constantly remind myself that there will be tough days, but I should ALWAYS thank and love my God. I hate pitying myself. I did that one too many times in the past and it lost me friendships and part of my life.

So, here I am today, picking myself up off the ground so to speak. Back on the internet searching for jobs, and reading words of wisdom. Today, I stumbled across an interesting read written by Brooke Allen. In the article, he described how to get a job and find your purpose in life.  

According to his article, I seem to be going through an “existential crisis.” After some research, I realized that this is an actual term that people use to describe a period of their lives where we struggle to find our life purpose. This is an actual thing. I am not alone in this. One of things that still remains to be fuzzy, Allen recommends that in order to find one’s life purpose, one must find it in the work they do.

Okay, so not exactly leading me into a field of work… But it is good advice. The constant feeling of being needed is what propels us as humans to be content with our lives. That makes a lot of sense. I am completely confident that whatever work I find for myself I will end up being content. Job searching is a difficult and long process, but the reward seems to payoff in the end. 

Allen also mentioned another good point, in order to think creatively and intellectually, one must practice writing. For me, writing has always been a love/hate relationship. Writing is something that has been a struggle for me to do consistently. Obviously, look at my blog posts. I only have seven (including this one).

How will I find my life purpose? Stay tuned.

BTW if you want to check out the awesome article I read- http://qz.com/192347/to-get-a-job-write-your-story-instead-of-a-resume/

 

“For I know the plans I have you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Unwritten

I have never felt more out of my place. With each passing day, I sometimes wonder what the point of getting out of bed every morning is. It seems like I have fallen into a routine. I get up, go to work, and come home. There’s no element of surprise. There’s no change of scenery. The days that I have off of work, I get up, workout, and then lounge around all day.

At first, landing a retail job was just something to keep me busy while I looked around for other jobs.  Well, really it was to keep my parents off my back while I was studying for the LSATs. That’s right, I considered going to law school. I had convinced myself that attending law school was something I really wanted. I’ve always set my dreams high, but I have a tendency of convincing myself to do something I think I want to do, until I actually commit to it. The commitment is the part where I usually regret making the decision in the first place.

The more I studied for the LSATs, the more I realized that if I chose this path I would lose myself to the next couple years of losing sleep, pulling my hair out, and studying my brains out. It is a commitment. My mom was a lawyer and, ironically enough, constantly tried to persuade me to consider other options and forgo law school. Her responses to anything law school related seemed unsupportive or unresponsive. It was hurtful. Yet, it pushed me to study harder and to work harder. It was like I had something to prove to her, that I could do it.

So when it came to the test day, I went in confidently. It wasn’t until I started filling out applications and writing admission essays when I realized that I didn’t want to commit the next four years to complete studying. I was ready for my life to begin. After studying the last couple months, I was ready to move out of my parents’ house and find my dream job. I also knew that financially, law school wasn’t something I could afford.  I knew that if I wanted to move out soon, then I would have to find a full-time job.

 

Fast forward a couple months, I am still stuck in the same place. I like working at my job now, don’t get me wrong. It’s fun and it’s easy, but it is not enough for me. I want a job with multiple responsibilities. A job that will push me to learn new things. A job that will support me and take me places.  A job that is enough and more. So that’s what I’m working on.

Hey. It’s me again.

Okay, so it’s been a while, but finding time to write is easier said than done. You have to get a feeling to write, it’s one of those love/hate relationships. My life is getting interesting again and so I’ve decided to pickup from where I left off.

Somewhere in between Christmas and Colorado I decided not to apply to law school for next year.

While I Colorado I developed some sort of Rocky Mountain high or euphoria, realizing that my life has not been yet lived. That’s pretty deep and awesome, I know. I decided that I did not want to spend my next 3-4 years studying my ass off only to be where I am now, searching for my life-long passion. I want to start working for a company. I want to travel. I want to move out of my parent’s house. There are too many things I want to do right now; that I would not be able to fulfill should I attend law school.

Don’t get me wrong, law school is great and everything, but it’s just not great for me.

I want to move to Austin. I want to be able to hike or do any physical activity outside whenever. I want to learn a new city. 

  Is this blog getting too boring? Yes.

I’m just writing this to hopefully inspire other 20-year-old somethings. Do NOT be afraid to fail. Failure is inevitable and apart of human nature. If you have never failed, you have never really fucking lived. It’s through failure that we realize which dreams to let go and which dreams to keep striving for.

I’d also like to take time to say that those people who have known your whole life what you want to do for a living and have your whole life planned out, you’re fucking kidding yourselves. There are too many variables that can change. I’m not saying you won’t be president one day, not by any means trying to crush your dreams, just saying that life changes. Sometimes you need to roll with the punches. Wow. Did I just use another cliché? My journalism professor would want to cut off my hands so I will never be able to type or write another cliché.

I always hated those people who knew what they wanted to earn his or her degree in college. Probably because I have never known what the hell I wanted to do with my life. It  used to stress me out to the point where I would spend nights crying myself to sleep for not knowing. I mean, I’m like a serious planner/organizer. Ever since I was young, I had expectations and plans that I would attend college. I had my whole life until graduation planned out. So, imagine how crazy I was when I ran out of plans. Believe me, I was psycho.

Then I realized, IT’S NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL. So I stopped crying and starting embracing life as it came. I became content. I became happy. I’m only 22. I still have 10 years before I need to start seriously worrying. Okay, maybe more like 2-3 years.  Anyway, the point is at some time in your life you are going to figure it out. Trust me on this one. 

Whatever you end up doing, do it wholeheartedly.  

 

5 Things growing up in Iowa has taught me

“Is this Heaven? No. It’s Iowa.” -Kevin Costner, Field of Dreams

Of course, I had to go with the Field of Dreams quote. That movie is the only thing Iowa has and the only thing we are proud of. Just kidding, I loved growing up in Iowa for several reasons. Although most of my friends were dying to get out of the state, I imagined living there the rest of my life– but Texas was calling. Don’t worry, there will be another post on that coming later.

For now, here is a list of things that growing up in Iowa has taught me.

1. Simplicity

It’s hard to believe that this girl who loves shopping at places like JCrew, Anthropologie, and other designer brands, once wore holes in her American Eagle jeans, and was the poster child for Old Navy. It’s true. Growing up in Iowa, I was kept pretty grounded in the fashion sense and other senses. I had no fashion sense. We had a NorthPark Mall, but it does not even remotely compare to the one in Dallas. I only knew three designers before coming to TCU– Coach, Burberry, and Ralph Lauren. Materialism did exist in high school, but it was for owning Coach purses or Nike shocks.  At TCU materialism is blown up. Though I have to admit, people dress so much better here. I mean who doesn’t want to look like they belong in a J.Crew catalogue? Am I right?

2.Village Inn is the best place to go after Basketball Games

Okay, so this isn’t really a serious point, but I mean they have the best hash browns! Plus, there were so many good conversations I had with friends at good old VI. Did I also mention my friends and I went there the morning after prom? It was just a REALLY good breakfast place and they had the best hash browns.

3.MIMAL

MIMAL= Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas, and Louisiana. This was actually a 1st grade geography lesson but a practical one. I was taught how to find Iowa because there is a person in the middle of the US map. Minnesota is the hat, Iowa is the face, Missouri is the body, Arkansas is the legs, and Louisiana is the feet.

4.Childhood sports

Here comes my cockiness and my enthusiasm for sports. We went to state in football practically every year, so I think this is when I really learned to love sports.

I first started playing soccer when I was in preschool and I loved it. After I got into soccer, I kind of followed my sister. We both played soccer, basketball, tennis, and golf together. Each sport we would always compete against each other. In soccer, we used our swing set as a goal, and basketball we always used to play one-on-one. I could go on and on about how much we challenged each other and made each other better, but that’s another story. Field of Dreams should have called us up and asked us to be in the movie. Because of my sister, I fell in love with playing sports and I was pretty much a tomboy my whole childhood.

I realize you can probably learn how to play sports anywhere, but I grew up playing them near cornfields.

5. Not everyone lives on a farm

Crazy thought right? After living in Iowa for 17 years, I have only known one person to live on a farm and I wasn’t even friends with her. Actually, I have never even met her. We rode the same bus to school when I was in 8th grade and she was a lot younger than me.

Although we do like to joke about it too.

In high school, we played against North Scott, a high school within our conference that was very much located in Northern Scott county, where the tall corn grows. We had dress up themes for when we attend certain sporting events. Whenever we played North Scott we dressed up as farmers.

There was one time at a basketball game when they had a good team and we were beating them we started to chant “Start your tractors.”

Then they chanted back, “We drive combines.”

So yes, some people do live on farms, and yes, we all have a pretty good sense of humor.

Bonus : 6. Iowa > Iowa State

I know I only said I would write 5 things I learned, but I decided to through in this completely biased opinion and add it to the list.  I don’t even want to debate that Iowa State had a better football season or is in a better conference than Iowa. Tough.I’m basing this decision on the fact that I love the Hawks.

Living

“Life can change for better just as easy as it can change for worse. Be positive and do not give in to that negativity.”- Leon Brown

 

I doubt that I have many readers following this blog, especially since I haven’t written a post in a while. For the past few months, I have been in kind of a writing slump. I might be a journalism major, but I have absolutely no desire to become a reporter. After getting involved with TCU student media, I realized many things about myself that I have never known before. I like making people happy, helping people through tough situations, talking to people, and most importantly, I like being liked. You see, reporters are not very well liked. Reporters have a tendency to  come off as pretentious, nosy , rude, arrogant and rather annoying people. If I have offended any of you readers or potential bosses, I apologize.  There just is a certain je ne sais quoi about journalism that creates some sort of adrenaline rush. You really have to have a passion for journalism to do it for a living. After the notorious drug bust last year, Casey Paschal’s DUI, and most recently, the passing of a great classmate- Ty Pickens, these circumstances have renewed my faith that this is not the business or profession for me.

I declared journalism as my major because I really do enjoy writing– when I have something to write about. I also really LOVE sports, and I aspired to be the next Erin Andrews. So after getting involved with student media, I came to find that I could not handle delivering hard news stories. After that most recent discovery, I am back to where I have been my whole life, trying to find what I am most passionate about and pursuing that for a living and $$$.

After going through some depressing nights of feeling insignificant, I have returned to writing. I think the best way for me to express myself is through writing. 

So now that whole thing is over let’s get to the real things that matter. TCU baseball season starts this weekend at Ole Miss, and I could not be more thrilled. Although I am not a major league baseball fan, mostly due to the fact that you can buy the best team, I really love going to games. Baseball is different from football because the sport is much easier on my heart.  Especially if you are an Houston Astros fan, because then you already have low expectations. As a fan, I do not expect them to beat the great teams, but if they do I am elated and want to start going to more games and following them more heavily. Then they go back to losing and I pay less attention again. The same thing happens with TCU basketball. The Frogs were winless in the Big 12 and upset KANSAS. That’s right, big, old Rock Chalk. No one ever expected that to happen. In fact, the odds of that happening were worse than a number 16 team upsetting a number 1 team. This was probably the biggest upset ever. So you would think after pulling off one of the greatest upsets in the history of sports, they might win another game against a not-so-great team. Nope. Disappointment again. 

Life is kind of like that too. 

Every now and then, something amazing comes along that makes you feel invincible. Then comes reality punching you in the face. 

If we were perfect everyday, if we beat Kansas every time we played them, then we would never rejoice in it. 

So here is where I am right now. I’m living. I do not care if you are not religious, but you have your beliefs and I have mine. I believe in God. I believe that he listens to me when I pray with all my heart and I believe he answers me. I’m struggling right now though. I am more afraid of my future than I am of dying, and that terrifies me. I’m at the point in my life where I am about to graduate and I have my whole life in front of me, yet I don’t have a clue of what I’m going to do with it. That terrifies me. I want to do meaningful things, and I want to help people, but I just don’t know how. I want to be passionate about my career and love whatever it is that God has planned for me. I just don’t know what that is yet and I’m not sure when I will figure that out. I know the only way I will ever figure that out is being open to try new things and doing things. I haven’t found my passion by reading or learning about it in school, so I know I will figure this out by doing it. This whole path of discovery has me questioning my faith, which really scares me, but it also has me reaching for God’s hand even more. I do not just want to walk through life, I want to travel, I want to learn so many more things and I want to make an impact on some people. I do not desire fame, I just want to make my life worth it.  

And I want to write about it. So, that’s why I’m back.

Interviewing process

As schoolwork buries me up to my head, I am very thankful this week is fall break. Senior year has brought challenges, and determining what I will be doing post-gradation is a major challenge most of my friends and I are facing.  If I have any piece to offer to my fellow peers it is this: keep an open mind and stay positive.

While all of us are all talented and exceptional potential employees, each of us have different career paths.  The hardest part for students my age is determining how we stand out from our peers. Each of us has a different previous work experience, skills, activities, and other criteria that contribute to the hiring process.

With that said, it is understandable that just as employers are grading and critiquing us, we are trying to find our perfect jobs too. Employers look for people who will fit in well within their culture. Keep in mind that your perfect job may not be one that you envisioned or may not even be created yet. I am a true believe that everything happens for a reason. In any case, this is a good opportunity to remain positive.  I’d like to present you all with a quote from National Treasure.

Thomas Edison tried and failed nearly 2,000 times before he created a filament for the light bulb. When asked Edison said, “I didn’t fail, I found out 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb.” He only needed one way to make it work.

This quote is similar to the job process, you can go through maybe 20 or more interviews, but you only need that one to get you a job.

The best that succeed are those who never give up.

Why am I here?

Hello blogging world!

I guess I’ll just use this first post to introduce myself and explain why I am even on here.  I am a student at TCU and have been advised to create a blog.  Now, don’t take that like it sounds, I was not forced to do this. No one put a gun to my head, and no professor asked me to start one  for a class. This certainly is not the cool thing kids are doing right now. I wanted to do this because I want to write to an audience. I was once the type of person who never cared for writing unless it was something I wanted to write about, but I was always too embarrassed to show my creative writing. I was the shy kid in the back of the bus who never spoke, but had a best friend who would never shut up. After all those years of silence, I’m coming out. Not of the closet. I like men, thanks. I like men a lot.  TCU has changed me though. Change is not the best word choice, I guess it made me become more of myself and who I wish to become. As I inch closer to the real world, I’ve decided I have to give it my all. So whether you like it or not, I’m finally opening up and sharing my wit and sarcasm to the world.

Before entering the blogging world, I asked myself several questions as to why I wanted to even publish some of my stories or advice on here.  For now this is just a place for me to write. Twitter contains me to 140 words, and let’s be honest no one cares enough to read your face book statuses.

For the most part, I want to establish a brand. I want my future employers to see the potential I have and even more what I could be capable of. I’m not looking to become the next Carrie Bradshaw. I’m looking just looking to create something I can take ownership of, or to call mine. I just want to know that I have done all that I possibly can to be myself.

Many of the postings on here  will pertain to my life experiences, beliefs and values. One thing is for sure, I will always be myself.