Living

“Life can change for better just as easy as it can change for worse. Be positive and do not give in to that negativity.”- Leon Brown

 

I doubt that I have many readers following this blog, especially since I haven’t written a post in a while. For the past few months, I have been in kind of a writing slump. I might be a journalism major, but I have absolutely no desire to become a reporter. After getting involved with TCU student media, I realized many things about myself that I have never known before. I like making people happy, helping people through tough situations, talking to people, and most importantly, I like being liked. You see, reporters are not very well liked. Reporters have a tendency to  come off as pretentious, nosy , rude, arrogant and rather annoying people. If I have offended any of you readers or potential bosses, I apologize.  There just is a certain je ne sais quoi about journalism that creates some sort of adrenaline rush. You really have to have a passion for journalism to do it for a living. After the notorious drug bust last year, Casey Paschal’s DUI, and most recently, the passing of a great classmate- Ty Pickens, these circumstances have renewed my faith that this is not the business or profession for me.

I declared journalism as my major because I really do enjoy writing– when I have something to write about. I also really LOVE sports, and I aspired to be the next Erin Andrews. So after getting involved with student media, I came to find that I could not handle delivering hard news stories. After that most recent discovery, I am back to where I have been my whole life, trying to find what I am most passionate about and pursuing that for a living and $$$.

After going through some depressing nights of feeling insignificant, I have returned to writing. I think the best way for me to express myself is through writing. 

So now that whole thing is over let’s get to the real things that matter. TCU baseball season starts this weekend at Ole Miss, and I could not be more thrilled. Although I am not a major league baseball fan, mostly due to the fact that you can buy the best team, I really love going to games. Baseball is different from football because the sport is much easier on my heart.  Especially if you are an Houston Astros fan, because then you already have low expectations. As a fan, I do not expect them to beat the great teams, but if they do I am elated and want to start going to more games and following them more heavily. Then they go back to losing and I pay less attention again. The same thing happens with TCU basketball. The Frogs were winless in the Big 12 and upset KANSAS. That’s right, big, old Rock Chalk. No one ever expected that to happen. In fact, the odds of that happening were worse than a number 16 team upsetting a number 1 team. This was probably the biggest upset ever. So you would think after pulling off one of the greatest upsets in the history of sports, they might win another game against a not-so-great team. Nope. Disappointment again. 

Life is kind of like that too. 

Every now and then, something amazing comes along that makes you feel invincible. Then comes reality punching you in the face. 

If we were perfect everyday, if we beat Kansas every time we played them, then we would never rejoice in it. 

So here is where I am right now. I’m living. I do not care if you are not religious, but you have your beliefs and I have mine. I believe in God. I believe that he listens to me when I pray with all my heart and I believe he answers me. I’m struggling right now though. I am more afraid of my future than I am of dying, and that terrifies me. I’m at the point in my life where I am about to graduate and I have my whole life in front of me, yet I don’t have a clue of what I’m going to do with it. That terrifies me. I want to do meaningful things, and I want to help people, but I just don’t know how. I want to be passionate about my career and love whatever it is that God has planned for me. I just don’t know what that is yet and I’m not sure when I will figure that out. I know the only way I will ever figure that out is being open to try new things and doing things. I haven’t found my passion by reading or learning about it in school, so I know I will figure this out by doing it. This whole path of discovery has me questioning my faith, which really scares me, but it also has me reaching for God’s hand even more. I do not just want to walk through life, I want to travel, I want to learn so many more things and I want to make an impact on some people. I do not desire fame, I just want to make my life worth it.  

And I want to write about it. So, that’s why I’m back.